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The One Before the One

October 31, 2008

When I began dating the man who was to become my husband I had this relationship epiphany; I call it “the one before the one.”

When I think about all the boys (boys, yes, in the truest sense of the word) I had dated before meeting my husband, I realized how much time, energy and emotion I had wasted on these ones before the ONE.

But, I am in good company – this has happened to just about every one I know and it goes a little something like this…

Girl meets guy (or girl meets girl or guy meets guy – whatever, doesn’t matter the mix).

Guy’s pursuit of girl is single minded and fierce, like a herd of Mustangs and it makes the girl feel more than a bit light-headed and weak in the knees, but she is initially resolved to keep her emotions in check.

Then, somewhere amidst the full-court press, girl loses her resolve and finds herself totally in love (drops everything and everyone else).

Girl begins to believe – I mean REALLY believes that he is THE ONE (it’s been documented that this peculiar behavior can persist for weeks, months, or even years in some of the most profound cases).

Guy dumps girl as the novelty of the chase has now run its course and girl has given him what he wants – the satisfaction of knowing he is the ONE.

Initial reaction stage Big, sobbing hot mess. Girl pines away perfectly good Friday nights with any mixture of tequila (lots of tequila), cigarettes, friends, any of the following movies – The Devil Wears Prada, Muriel’s Wedding, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Sliding Doors, Sweet Home Alabama, woofs down pints of Graeters ice cream, and gets sent home from the office regularly so she can “pull it together.”

Secondary stage a.k.a. wtf was I thinking? Girl vows to be better. Throws self into full career and workout regime, swearing off alcohol, signing up for a half marathon and unlimited Bikram Yoga classes, gets the cut and color that are absolutely best suited for her, revamps wardrobe and simply becomes the fabulous person she’s always wanted to be (and truly, always was).

Third stage (manna falling from the sky) New guy arrives on the scene. Could be a friend that she never noticed, could be a handsome stranger – no matter, he has somehow just easily and stealthily slipped in to her life.

Girl and guy fall madly in love and end up together for the long haul (whatever your long-haul is – common law, a ring ceremony, full-on vows, whatever).

So, what was it about the one before the one again? And how does this phenomenon occur over and over again, and not just to ordinary folks, but to the best looking, the richest, the smartest among us; remember Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt before Danny Moder?

I guess everyone just has to have their one (or sometimes more than one) before THE ONE. The one that makes you do all the irrational shite that shows you what the non-ONE’s look and feel like so that you can recognize the ONE when they do come along. And the non-ONES do you the service of toughening you up and in the process, build your self your confidence, becoming who you were meant to be so that the lid to our metaphoric pot finally fits.

Finally, let me note that it’s been said that Beck dated his girlfriend Leigh Limon for nine years and then after the breakup he married Marissa Ribisi. Side note – Sea Change was written during and post breakup with Limon, pure genius album.  Side, side note – how pissed do you think she is? Nine years worth.

Think about that the next time you get dumped. It’s leading you to your one.