Turkey Tension Playlist

Thanksgiving is just weeks away, so I’ve put together a little holiday tension playlist. This includes ex run-ins and dinner table tunes, as well as, family meddling melodies.

• Don’t Look Back in Anger by Oasis (A reminder that your family is not as efed up as the Gallagher brothers.)

• Ridiculous Thoughts by The Cranberries (Thanksgiving without cranberries? Come on.)

• The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance by Vampire Weekend (Dedicated to all those sitting at the kiddie table.)

• Pass the Dutchie by Musical Youth (As in, “Grammy, please pass the rolls, the green beans, and the Dutchie on the left hand side.”)

• God Only Knows by The Beach Boys (This is featured on the Love Actually soundtrack – whatever you do, don’t watch this movie with anyone older than your siblings (or ff through the actor stand-in couple). Also add to that list any Chris Rock comedy specials on HBO (my brother-in-law cleared a room after Rock talked about “getting his jerk on”) and Wedding Crashers (dinner table scene) trust me on this, uncomfortable all around.)

• Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting by Elton John (Wouldn’t it be great it your family really was like, “Okay, what the hell, let’s beat the shite out of each other this Saturday night – the gloves are off.”)

• Hot N Cold by Katy Perry (I drank the kool-aid – I love this song. And I’m sure there will be an oven temperature war between the sides and the bird over cooking times.)

• Bruises by Chairlift (If the lyric “I tried to do handstands for you” doesn’t just sum up every failed relationship I don’t know what does.)

• Think I’m in Love by Beck (If you’re in a new relationship during the holidays whatever you do – keep it to yourself. Now’s not the time to play 20 questions about someone your family potentially won’t ever meet.)

• Hey Now by Augustana (Always a good interjection phrase to tell someone to shut the ef up without saying shut the ef up – “hey now.”)

• California Stars by Billy Bragg & Wilco (Such a dreamy number. Excuse yourself, breathe (SERENITY NOW), count to 10 and listen to this.)

• Bring Me Some Water by Melissa Etheridge (Because she’s from my hometown and well all that turkey and tension is bound to get your parched.)

• Broken Promise by Placebo (Say what you’ll do, do what you’ll say – life’s just easier that way.)

• I’d Run Away by The Jayhawks (One of the best things about being an adult is if it gets bad, you can really just pack your junk in the trunk and head home. Triple check that the airport shuttle number is saved in your phone – don’t be this guy, “Hey I know we’re no longer speaking and we’re leaving early, but could you give us a ride to the airport?”)

• The Thanksgiving Song by Adam Sandler (Leave it to Happy Gilmore to write a song about a nice family meal and put the word masturbate in it.)

• Exhuming McCarthy by REM (Now is the perfect time to talk politics. Bring it up just before the pie is sliced.)

• You Can’t Count On Me by Counting Crows (Every man for himself.)

• Come Pick Me Up by Ryan Adams (Dedicated to every ex.)

• Cross- Eyed Bear by Damien Rice (Take a look around that old room of yours…you sure liked some dumb shite when you were a kid. Sweet that your mom hasn’t changed a thing…better leave you and ol’ Teddy alone to catch up.)

• My Hometown by Bruce Springsteen (It’s really not a trip home without hearing this song in your head at least once – it’s kinda like Deliverance without the dueling banjos.)

• Never Said by Liz Phair (When in doubt play dumb – who me? I don’t remember saying that.)

• Under Pressure by David Bowie & Queen (Always volunteer for tasks, from the grocery store to watching little ones – takes a little pressure off forced convo.)

• Save Me by Remy Zero (Generally, the thing that’s bound to save you is a well stocked bar and cable television.)

• Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones (Untamed kids hopped up on sweets + ornery adults full of remember when stories = one buck wild house.)

• No Surprises by Radiohead (Someone always shows up dropping a bomb – there’s bound to be a surprise or two.)

• For Reasons Unknown by The Killers (Actually, the reasons for holiday visits are crystal clear. There will be tears if you don’t spend it with family. Do you really want to be responsible for that?)