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I had an article all planned to write this week. It was about holiday hairstyles featuring a funny story about how growing up, for special occasions, I always begged (err bribed) my twin sister into fixing my hair, and she’d always royally mess it up, not looking at all like I’d pictured: I’d walk off in a huff and we’d end up not speaking for several hours until I’d apologize for being such an a-hole and we’d be friends again.

There was going to be some great metaphor about family and friends and looking ones best, but instead, I’m buried in deadlines and just trying to peel myself out of yoga pants long enough to attend a restaurant opening on top of a holiday party I already RSVP’d to when all I really want to do is curl up on the couch, listen to the song below all day, and not worry about what I look like.

This year has been filled with plenty to keep me warm, and I’m so very grateful for it all. It’s all beyond what any person could ever hope for. I’ll be back with fresh content January 4; until then, here’s a year-end video … the best my eyes have seen in 2011. Happy holidays, everyone.

We just bought our plane tickets to head to my family’s house for the holidays, which got me reflecting a bit on the spirit of the season. When I was younger my family had a phrase—one to grow on—that little extra push could set us apart, which could be applied to many things (but I remember it the most with sports, regarding a few more sit-ups or another lap around the track). I find myself thinking about all those things family and friends teach us along the way. Here are my top 10 (plus one to grown on) words of wisdom (or just plain actions I’ve admired) from the loved ones in my life; some, I wish, were still around to continue teaching me. These are my one to grow on moments pushing me to be better.

Everything in moderation
Who: My paternal grandmother
I remember gorging myself on a gigantic hunk of cheddar cheese at my grandparents’ house when I was a teenager. My grandmother told me I could have it, but to be mindful of my portions. Guilted, I put the cheese back in the refrigerator (but it was so good!). This is also the same woman who drank exactly one beer (straight out of the can) every Independence Day. What will power. Eat the slice, but not the whole block! In the same vein, my other grandmother, my Grammy, has a similar story one I’ve dubbed “A lady doesn’t need all that meat at lunch.” Once used to explain the petite 4 oz. portion of filet mignon she likes to special order from her country club. PS – That story’s title makes you think she was talking about something entirely different. Ew.

Call a cab
Who: My brother
Everyone in my family likes a good cocktail or two. And once, my brother explained to me the importance of calling a cab instead of getting behind the wheel, even when you think you’re okay to drive. He reasoned that the money you spend on the taxi and the ordeal to retrieve your car the next day far outweighs the price of a potential DUI, court expenses, lawyer fees, or worse. Agreed and spoken like a true accountant. Pay now or pay later.

Pack efficiently
Who: My father
To my parents’ credit, all four of us kids got the gift of understanding the world through travel. But you’ll never catch any of us dragging more than one suitcase through an airport. Which is achieved, I’m certain, by all of us practicing the art of smart packing taught by our father. The military man in him had a very efficient way of packing for a trip. His tight-roll method for slacks and shirts I still use to this day, and I am always surprised how much I can fit in a suitcase. He pushed for streamlining items and wearing staples like jeans a few times. He also stressed the importance of not wearing clothes in a foreign country that scream, “Hey y’all, I’m an obnoxious American!” Very useful.

Put on lipstick
Who: My Grammy (see also “Everything in Moderation”)
Well, maybe not lipstick, per se, but at least put a little effort into it if you’re stepping out the front door. It only takes one time of bumping into an ex-boyfriend at Target sporting greasy hair held by a Hello Kitty barrette paired with raccoon smudged eye makeup from the night before while wearing too-tight yoga pants and a graphics tee shirt that says something terrible like “My favorite color is yellow” before you realize that Grammy, in fact, might know a thing or two.

Strive for something
Who: My older sister
There’s no one else in my life that goes after something quite like my older sister; I both love and admire her for it. Whether it’s breaking college swimming records, running a half-marathon, getting a Ph.D., raising children, or earning a promotion at work, the girl sets a goal and gets it done.

Do what you say
Who: Two of my closest friends
It’s interesting how through the years we have relationships with people at different phases of our life that might be very similar. My best friend from college and my best friend in Atlanta are very alike in how they go about life. And by gosh, these two walk the talk. If they say they’ll be somewhere, count on it. If either of them sets the alarm for a 6 a.m. run, well, you better believe they are pounding the pavement before the sun comes up. They say it and it’s done. These two are also the same sort who will bring over a batch of homemade soup when you’re sick and remember to send a card every year on your birthday. Salt of the Earth.

Clean up after a dinner party before going to bed
Who: My mother
My parents were social butterflies who threw legendary parties (with an endless supply of vodka gimlets) but somehow always managed to wash the dishes before going to bed. No matter how late. I remembered this sage advice one incredibly slow-moving morning following a ridiculously raucous dinner party my husband and I hosted. I was stuck tossing out beaucoup of half-empty bottles of wine that seemed to be fermenting further with each passing minute and grody remains of a cheese plate while on the cusp of vomiting the entire time. That said, my rough guess on how many wine glasses my parents must’ve shattered in their lifetime with this bit of advice is in the hundreds.

Stand up for yourself
Who: My twin sister
It’s funny that growing up I was the more outgoing twin—a chatterbox who was curious and daring while my sister was shy and quiet for years. By the time we got to high school she didn’t march to that drummer any longer. She was outspoken, opinionated, and was not afraid to back up her own ideas to our parents, peers, or teachers. All in a respectful way of course, but her persuasion also allowed her to live a little and gave her space to experiment and take risks. I mean, years later, that same girl would drive from Baltimore, Maryland to Santa Cruz, California and camp out in the Badlands, all by herself, all because she took a stand.

Get to the root of it
Who: My husband (and family)
Growing up, my family mostly dealt with difficult issues or a crisis like a live grenade being thrown in the middle of a locked and crowded room. Freak out. While my husband’s side is a family of quietly effective problem-solvers. My husband (and his family) taught me that sometimes it’s better to leave it unsaid, or at least wait a bit to figure out the guts of what you’re really upset about instead of dropping bombs. This takes a bit of practice, but I’ve found it a very nice (and healthy) alternative to the wreckage to which I’m accustomed.

Bad news doesn’t get better over time
Who: My father
Oh, this is a DRH-standard all the way around, and it’s one of my favorite unsolicited relics of advice I ever received from my father. It’s the one I use most often and apply to practically any situation. I love it too because it’s sort of the opposite of what’s usually represented with “time healing all things” and just “giving things their due time.” In this case, I’d say he’s right on the money with this nugget. Wishing it away won’t work. Buck up, tell the truth, and move on.

Don’t let it get cold (one to grow on)
Who: My maternal grandfather (see photograph)
Obviously if a plate of food is in front of you, despite a photograph being taken, by all means, eat.

I’ve just returned from an amazing week in Krakow, Poland. I won’t be able to go into full travel details here per usual, as I’ve been assigned that piece for a mortgage paying publication and they get first dibs, but I can tell you a few general things, first … go.

No huge surprise here, like most eastern European countries, in Poland, the dollar gets you far. The old town section of Krakow (the best part) is built around a central square, so if you start there, you’ll be in excellent shape. Park it at a café, sip coffee with steamed milk and just soak it in. Later in the day, add some sight seeing and prosecco, and by gum, you’ve got a vacation from everyday American life.

The overarching theme I walked away with was taking time and allowing myself the space to just be. For us, this year has been one of twists and turns, and sometimes it has taken me a minute (or months) to integrate them into my life. To take time to fully grasp and appreciate the concept of the life I’ve built filled with close friendship, a supportive and loving family, and creative work that inspires me.

This trip allowed me the space to wander, think, write, and observe. The women in Europe are so chic. You’d never catch one in mom jeans looking haggard. No sir, even on long flights minding children and loads of luggage they still manage to put on mile high heels and lipstick. Affection is displayed quite openly and I found myself nostalgic about romance and those little moments I may not notice in my Atlanta life. It could also be because of the reason we were there … love was in the air.

We made the trek to Poland for a dear friend’s wedding, which was, without question, the nicest wedding I’ve ever attended (and like most people in their thirties, I’ve attended many). Planning my own wedding years ago, I made decisions merely to get them crossed off my list, but here that didn’t appear to be the case, seemingly taking such care in every decision from meal, to reading selection, to wine list. The loveliest ceremony I’ve ever witnessed.

Now, back to my cultural observations about both in being in Europe and being surrounded by mostly Irish and English wedding attendees. It seemed like in this lot, if one were to wear Jimmy Choos it’d be because they are good, quality shoes that’ll last, not because it’s something to boast to friends while sitting in your 5,000 square foot home one payment away from foreclosure.

Nothing seems to be done in an ostentatious way, just sophisticated and full of grace. It’s not about a carat diamond ring; it’s about the sentiment behind it. I could use a lot more weeks of taking notice like that in my life. Seems less about what you have and more about how you take care of it. I’ll take the moments over the material any day.

Still in vacation mode–or as the international crew I’ve just spent the past week with–still on holiday.

I promise to return next week loaded with stories.

Walking down the path to an open crater at Poas during my 30th birthday trip to Costa Rica.

One of my dearest friends is moving from Atlanta. After 17 years in this city, she and her husband are moving to L.A. Her move got me thinking of all the change this year has brought, not just for her, but so many people in my life (including us).

Not just in 2010, but for some reason around August/September of last year, there was a huge shift in our life. And right now, several of my close friends (and family) are entering life-altering transition phases. I have more than one friend going through a divorce. One of my twin’s friends came out of the closet, two children and a marriage later. My brother and his family, who’ve always lived near my mother in the Kansas City area, are moving to Dallas. Not all of this is bad. Closing the door on one life, opening another.

Friends of mine, after about 5 years of trying for a baby, just had their son in December. And we, I think, are closer to what we want than we have been in years, and it took a layoff for us to figure out what that truly was.

Contemplating in Charleston, SC.

The only common link that I can hold onto is that we’re all in our thirties. In my twenties, I took so many distractions as signs; now, I’m smart enough to know the difference. Not everything means something. Is it that in our thirties we have a clearer idea of what we want and are more focused on how to get it?

Does this economy have something to do with it? That people are fed up and are making a conscious choice to weed through the self-proclaimed bull shite? To start companies, and take stock in their own desires? In my twenties the book that captured it all was Quarterlife Crisis. I read it feverishly just after college and related to it like no other. The notion of, “Awesome. I have a degree, a car payment and rent due, now what?”

Mid-life and quarterlife crises are over-reported and over-exposed. Are they just a hall pass to act like an asshole? Because, I’ve found, every age and stage has its challenges, as well as the hopefulness for the next year. But, in my life, for right now, the parallels of major shifts, bravery and grabbing onto that life you want, even if it’s some 2,000 miles away, that’s the real stuff that defines you.

I read somewhere that most people tend to stick to their goals better if they can visualize them. My mind is apparently wired the same as the majority, because if I see it, it’s generally easier for me to achieve it. In lieu of the standard resolutions for this coming decade, here’s my vision. My creative board of what I’d like to happen and what inspires me to make it a reality. Universe, are you listening? Bueller?… Bueller?… So, what’s on your vision board?

Whether you call them toxic friends or frenemies (the latest amalgamated word), there’s no denying that some relationships are loaded with destructive drama that leave us feeling overall worse, rather than better, about ourselves. As Gwyneth Paltrow put it so eloquently (har har) in her recent GOOP newsletter, these are those “frenemies, hell bent on taking us down.”

For most of my adult life, the e.e. Cummings poem, Let it Go has been one of my favorites. My very loose (and incredibly simplified) interpretation of it is that when you let go of the gunk, in comes the good. Cummings is specifically speaking of relationships, which intrigues me because one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is letting go, particularly, letting go of friendships that are on life support. (more…)