The Flip Side of Coupling

I’m fairly certain I’m not alone in my relationship metaphor in which one person is generally driving the train while the other person is passenger. In my marriage this is an accurate assessment, but who’s at the helm is constantly changing. But, in my parent’s relationship, for instance, my father was the sole driver, my mother, sitting passenger … for 33 years. And it worked for them.

The point of who’s driving is that I’ve noticed something with my girlfriends. Who they are in their relationship may not be who they are when they are with friends (myself included).

Need a valid example? My best friend and I cannot figure out what to order when we’re together and inevitably will end up with a bottle of wine (err who are we kidding?), a cheese plate, a bowl Marcona almonds, and a hangover from hell. But, I assure you–neither of us is this indecisive in our everyday life and relationships.

Another friend of mine is the most laid back sort you’d ever meet, but I get the impression her significant other, when they go out to dinner, would be the kind that would order for the table and, “she’ll have this” mumbo jumbo. And he’d decide on what she’s having. So, when we’re together she becomes a bit bossy and takes it upon herself to decide on drinks and food for everyone at the table. And me, being the waffler, I don’t mind in the slightest. We all need a leader, so I appreciate her gumption. Seriously.

Because sometimes I feel like I make a lot (scratch that, all) of those decisions in my house. Sometimes maybe I need to sit back when my husband suggests oyster po’boys from the hole in the wall down the street and just roll with it instead of becoming all Mussolini and demanding sushi. Dammit, I said we’re having spicy tuna rolls.

Beyond the dinner table, do we become the opposite of who we really are in our relationship when we’re away from our spouse? Is that side of us suppressed? Do you have a flip personality outside of your relationship?