May 6, 2009
It’s the third part of our motherhood series. Click here for a full scope of the participating panelists.
dp For those of you with mixed gendered children, is there an easier sex to raise – girls or boys?
Mommy D Boys seem to be easier emotionally, but they are much noisier. Girls tend to be more emotional and dramatic.
Mommy F Boys you could encourage to play, but girls are temperamental in a group can be catty and nasty. Boys can be rough and tough and have more fun where girls have an emotional side to their playing.
Mommy I Boys were easier as teenagers than girls. My girls were responsible telling me where they going and the boys were not. My oldest son was never where he was supposed to be. I liked having both, they each had different things that made them fun.
dp How did you and your husband come to the decision to have kids? Did you agree upon this prior to getting married? Do you think there’s such a thing as a biological clock? Did you feel ready?
Mommy C As for a biological clock, I had a sense of something tugging from within urging me toward childbearing, but it was not suggesting to me that time was short. I felt ready in many ways before becoming pregnant. As soon as I was pregnant, I needed much more time to feel prepared. Now that she is two and a half. I think I am prepared for her.
Mommy D We had agreed that we both wanted children – and we both wanted four children. We both came from families with four children. We had decided to wait two years after being married before trying. Two years, nine months later our oldest was born. I felt ready until the time came and then I felt nervous.
Mommy F We were married 10 years before having kids. Unfortunately, my husband died when my son was 13 and daughter was 6. We decided to have children when we bought our house. After moving in and feeling the emptiness of it, we wanted to fill it with kids. It was a given you just knew you would have kids and it would be a matter of how many. It was always something that was expected and wanted.
Mommy G When we got married I was never having kids never ever and my husband agreed to that. And then, we’d been married 8 or 9 years and I wanted to have kids and I wanted to adopt. I realized I was afraid to relinquish control over me. And my doctor said there’s some areas of your life you have to give it up. And I did and she was absolutely right. We’d narrowed it down to what the control was they said – you can do this – my doctor said – whatever you think it is, it’s not. And they were right.
dp How do you make time for yourself, separate from being a wife and mother?
Mommy A I hardly do! That’s the problem. I thought this grad school would help me resolve some of my loss of identity, but all it really did was add more stress and responsibility to my life!
Mommy C I have a fantastic partner and live in a community of folks who like to hang out with my kid either out of the generosity in their hearts or because we trade and I watch their kids.
Mommy D I get up really early, before anyone else in the house.
Mommy G Some of it is because I do travel for my job. I can take time to after all my meetings to run to a mall – the other day I spent 30 minutes in a Sephora, I haven’t done that for 2 years. I don’t suffer from being with friends and it gives my husband time at home alone with her. I like her to know mommy has a life that doesn’t stop because she’s there or her father’s there – we can all have our interests, but it’s okay to go outside the house.
Mommy I I really didn’t make time for myself, not while they were little. Maybe while they were in school I’d go out for lunch or something. When the kids were in preschool there was a mother’s group, I would go to that. Often though I’d get together with another mother and kids. I’d do Garden Club or Daytime Bible Study at our church. I never went away without the kids on trips or that kind thing.
dp Where does alone time with your husband fit in? Is it true that after kids, bedroom time plummets? Do you think your husband looked at you differently after you became a mother?
Mommy A We talk about date nights and the importance of it, but life just gets in the way. We talk about making our relationship a priority, but life just gets in the way. My husband says he still thinks I’m the same, but I know I feel different. I feel less desirable, less attractive, and definitely less sexy! And yes, sex is last on the every to do list in this house.
Mommy C Our alone time is mostly after our daughter is in bed either at night or occasionally during a nap. Bedroom time still seems fine to me though I have noticed that I have gotten much better at seizing the moment when one arises.
Mommy D It is easier now that the kids are older. We just make time. We run together, go to the grocery together, etc. We do little things together all the time. Occasionally, we make a date and just the two of us go out.
Mommy H When my son is sleeping we get alone time. Is it true it plummets, just a little bit. We are both so tired but still squeeze it in. My husband looks at me in a better light (after becoming a mom). He complements me more and says he finds me even more beautiful.
Tomorrow – Spiritual growth after children, proud moments, and the father’s role.
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